Hey.
♪ So, I'm back ♪
♪ To the Velvet Underground ♪
♪ Back to the floor ♪
♪ That I love ♪
♪ And it all comes down to you ♪
♪ Well, you know that it does, well ♪
♪ Lightning strikes ♪
♪ Maybe once ♪
♪ Maybe twice ♪
♪ Oh, and it lights up the night ♪
♪ And you see your gypsy ♪
♪ You see your gypsy ♪
God!
We could've been doing this every weekend.
It's so peaceful.
You know what else is peaceful? The spa at the Sands.
Debbie, look around and take in the natural beauty.
This is our country.
This is all ours!
"The mountains are calling, and I must go."
What the fuck do you know about the mountains?
You're from the prairie.
- We went camping all the time growing up. - She keeps talking and talking.
Then she's like, "Melanie, you know, I'm not gonna be here forever, you know.
I don't know how many Passovers I have left to host,
now that your grandmother isn't here."
My mom has, like, a black belt in guilt jujitsu.
You know what I mean? She's like, "I'm gonna die!
Your grandmother's already dead!
Next year might be too late for all of us! You gotta fly in for Seder
- to meet Rebecca's fiancé!" - Can you stop?
Stop what? Talking about myself?
No, I can't. You know that.
Jenny, lighten up. Let me help you carry something.
I don't need your help.
Okay.
So, did you tell Keith
that you're stayin' in Vegas for the rest of the year?
Nope, not yet.
Shit. You really know how to help people
take their mind off things.
It's part of my charm.
All right, so, um, who's gonna be the bad guy here?
'Cause, um, Tammé, she can't grin and bear it for another nine months.
So, we benched her.
Till when?
All right. Guess I'm the bad guy.
Got it.
Uh... is there another corkscrew?
Guys, the wine's for later.
If you drink now, you'll be dehydrated for the hike.
What hike?
Well, there is a...
moderate sports course that's six miles...
No way.
No, no.
...to a beautiful vista.
The guidebook says it's a don't-miss.
My heart says it's a definite miss.
If you don't want to hike, you can hang back and start dinner.
- Great. - Or make a fire.
This is not a dictatorship.
Unless you're gonna start tellin' us what to do now.
Uh, I'll just stay and make a fire.
Rhonda.
- I'll go get firewood with you. - Okay.
Cher. No?
Nobody? I... That...
I... saw that.
And then there were four.
- Are you gonna hike? - Yeah. I... I need the exercise.
And, yeah, you know, one last hurrah before I pack it in.
Pack what in?
Um, I can't do a whole year in Vegas,
so I'm gonna go home to Randy and collect my checks.
Bash wants this show to himself, he can have it.
You're competitive. I like it.
Always have been.
You ever play any sports?
No. I did Outward Bound when I was a kid, for my anger issues.
- Did it help you? - Not really.
Water. You gotta stay hydrated in 90-degree heat.
Oh, don't worry about me. I can keep up.
Cool. Let's push it.
I'd like to get to the top while it's still light out.
Let's pick up the pace!
So...
that's it? You're... done?
Oh, Ruth, I'm not gonna commute for an entire year of Randy's life.
He's not gonna know who I am.
Come on, you've been doin' so great.
You're like a superhero, flyin' back and forth.
You know I missed him walking?
Hm. I'm missing everything.
So, do fewer shows. I can cover Liberty Bell, and... and...
...Sheila can do Zoya on your off nights...
No, it was a crazy plan to begin with, and Mark went with it
because... he owes me for the rest of his natural life.
But, uh, you know, he's not gonna roll with this schedule for a full year.
And, you know, I don't wanna ask him,
because I need some goodwill on reserve for... ten years down the line
when I get a movie in Japan and...
I don't know, I want to put Randy in school there.
Oh, my God! I just hate all of them.
You hate the Japanese?
Men.
I, uh, hate men. Mark, Bash...
Even when I'm fucking the cute young ones, I just...
I like to take my hand
and just, pfft, crunch their face into the pillow,
just hard, because they are just so...
...free.
They make the choices.
They dictate the terms,
and I just hate asking them for anything.
What's going... What are you doing? Are you tryin' to find a place to pee?
No, I need a walking stick.
Well, we're in the desert, not the woods. You're not gonna find a stick.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oh!
You don't find a walking stick.
- It finds you. - Mm.
Where are, uh, Reggie and Sheila?
Where are we?
Um... Let me see the map for one second.
Oh, they have the map.
What? Trail leader gets the map.
I... I'm sure if we keep going, we'll bump into them. And if not,
we'll let the stars guide us.
You've never been camping, have you?
We spent summers at Lake Okoboji.
There were cabins.
Oh, God.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck me.
Don't tell Cherry I'm this out of shape.
Oh, God.
Okay...
Okay, you know I hate when people are mad at me,
so can you just spit it out?
I have nothing to say to you.
Well, clearly you do.
So, can you at least ignore me out loud
instead of pretending you're having an existential epiphany
two minutes after we get to the fuckin' desert?
Every night,
I put on a kimono
to jump out of a fortune cookie
at an Asian-themed hotel,
surrounded by white geishas serving mai tais.
And?
And...
What do you mean, "And?" It's like I'm living in a nightmare.
It sucks.
Sorry, what does this have to do with me?
"Soy sauce in your eye!
- Chopstick in your nose!" - Oh, come on!
I wasn't doing an impression of you.
I was doing you doing a racist character.
But you're white.
Don't look at me like that! We're best friends.
I'm not, like, some fucking random white girl.
Wow, you really do not understand.
No, Jenny, I don't.
I did a gag one time at a wrestling show.
I mean, no one even fucking noticed. Jesus Christ.
If you're gonna sit up here pretending to be like Buddha
on the mountain, you gotta relax. Okay?
We're on vacation.
Can't we just, like,
drink a fuckton of wine and forget about it?
Don't follow me this time.
Tammé! You shouldn't be crouching over like that.
Here...
Oh! Okay.
Shouldn't be sleeping on the ground neither,
but sounded too fun to pass up.
All right, so here's the deal.
Debbie's too chickenshit, so I'll say it. We can't let you wrestle.
Not now, but give me a few weeks.
- It's an injury. It'll heal. - And then what?
You get back in the ring, do another 400 bumps?
You do the math on how many times your back hits the mat in nine months.
So, I'll do front bumps.
Or play a Biddie. That was a piece of cake.
All right, may-maybe if you go to the doctor, get a... X-ray
- or a note. - I don't do doctors.
Look, I got a late start
as an actor.
I put Ernest first for a long time.
But for the first time in 20 years,
I get to perform every single night.
So what, my back hurts.
That's nothing. That's physical. Don't take this away from me.
There's other ways you can be a performer. Hell, we're in Vegas.
Oh, go try comedy. You love making people laugh.
Sure.
Lots of clubs are looking for black women with no experience in their 40s.
Better than being a black woman in her 40s who can't walk.
You want to attend Ernest's wedding in a wheelchair?
Sure, as long as I'm there.
Ooh, you's a stubborn one.
Carmen! Carmen gon' tell you
how crazy you sound.
You know a lot of wrestlers, right?
Yeah.
And how many of them end up crippled
from permanent nerve damage?
A lot of them.
But they've been doing this for so long,
and they don't go to doctors, and they just take painkillers.
So a wrestler gets an injury, and y'all just kick him to the curb?
No.
Uh, some of them go on and do other things like announcing.
Ha! Good luck with prying that microphone out of Bash's cold, dead hands.
Or managing.
What? Like, do the books?
No, like, um, Captain Lou Albano.
- Who? - Bobby "The Brain" Heenan?
Heck, you guys,
Cyndi Lauper managed Wendi Richter at WrestleMania I,
and the crowd ate it up.
So, it's like a gimmick?
Managers are like wrestlers without the actual wrestling.
They just pace around the ring and cause trouble
and have huge personalities, like, um, Don King in boxing.
I could do Don King.
God, it feels good to get out of the hotel.
I know.
I started hearing the sound of slot machines in my dreams.
I just want 24 hours where I don't have to pretend to be straight,
flirt with Mormon dealers.
Are you doing all that?
Someone has to keep us safe.
I think the hotel's safe.
There's lots of security.
Why smoke a joint
- when you can smoke a whole bong? - Hey!
Whoa, party's here!
Yeah. Oh, you don't know any two-player games?
Solitaire!
All right, I'm gonna cover your metaphorical sadness with snacks.
Oh, I should pass this to you.
- Here. - Uh...
Okay.
There's a cover on the back. You just put your finger over it,
lift it, smoke, lungs, boom!
Okay, okay.
Um...
- See? She got it. - Yay!
- There you go, baby girl!
This reefer is really helping with my gout.
I like how your version of Ethel isn't even trying to be funny.
No, don't encourage her.
She's been doing bits all week.
Do you know how freeing it was to play a character
and not have to worry about racial geopolitics?
Oh, God, you're nuts. I loved being Beirut.
It was like getting to be a Bond supervillain.
And I didn't have to share the ring with Edna-scenery-chewer over here.
- No offense. - Hm.
We should switch, permanently.
Yes. Wait, can we?
- Who cares? I'm in. - Done!
Awesome!
Are you ditching me?
No. Well, unless you wanna be a Biddie too.
Oh, then you and Arthie could be like old lezzies together.
You know, that would make more sense, actually.
Wait, make more sense than...
than what?
Well, than, like, you and me wrestling together.
Going forward, it would probably be more comfortable with, you know,
our usual partners.
Oh, what she's trying to say is that, you know,
there's a lot of moves where one person's crotch
is in another person's face.
I'll stick with Junkchain.
Thank you.
Come on, Sheila. You can do it.
Push through!
Sheila! Come see this. What are you doing down there?
Oh, my God. Sheila!
You're smothering it.
- You told me to put in more wood. - Is dinner ready yet?
- We're still working on the fire. - Well, some of us are starving.
'Cause we smoked a lot of weed.
Hey. You need any help?
Rice, beans, hot dog buns...
- Who planned this fucking menu, huh? - I did.
Who doesn't love a Mexican cookout?
You wanna cook?
Be my guest.
Well, what am I even gonna cook anything in?
None of you geniuses thought to bring a fucking pot?
I brought fucking pot.
Oh, I think I found a trail marker!
- You said that last time. - No.
This is definitely more than a random piling of rocks.
- Okay. - Let's go this way.
Oh, my God.
Let's... try the other direction.
Don't worry.
As long as we make it back before it gets dark, we'll be fine.
What happened to "the stars will guide us"?
Nothing here. I checked all three cars.
You gonna stab me?
We need a pot. How about four?
What's round, metal, and easily detachable?
- Have you ever cooked anything before? - No.
Fueled by guilt, powerful motivator.
I'm fucking good. I'm good. I'm good.
Everybody!
Dinner is served!
Kind of. It's more of an amuse-bouche. Look at it.
And you guys, um...
I was also thinking that, um, since we're all together,
right, and we're in the actual desert
and I've already disappointed enough people today...
maybe we could do a Passover Seder.
- A what? - A Seder.
- A what? - Oh, it's like a Jewish dinner
for friends and family.
- Oh, a Seder? - You don't know what a Seder is.
It's a dinner for family and friends, Jewish-style.
De-ver.
She-heen.
Ba-rad.
Ar-beh.
That one means "locusts."
- Oh. - Okay, next one. Cho-shech.
Cho-shech.
Medium. And then the last one is ma-kat bechorot.
Ma-kat bechorot.
Good! And that's for the slaying of the firstborn.
No, not my baby Ernest.
So, what's crazy is that after the whole slaying of the firstborn thing,
the Pharaoh actually let the Jews go.
But they had to leave so quickly that the dough on their backs
didn't have time to rise, and that's why we have matzo.
Graham crackers?
Thank you, my assistant, Dawn. Okay...
Oh, and then the Pharaoh changed his mind because he's a power-hungry dictator
terrified of losing his slaves.
Oh, that sounds familiar.
Guys, guys.
Well, I don't get it.
I think they're comparing Bash to the Pharaoh.
He's not a dictator.
- He's providing everyone jobs. - Yeah, yeah.
In a slave labor kind of way.
Okay, I don't know about any of you guys, but last year, I was sleeping in my car.
And if it wasn't for Bash and his idea for a wrestling show,
then none of us would even be sitting here today.
And I didn't hear any of you complaining when you got your last paycheck.
Or the one before that.
All right, Cleopatra.
Stand by your man.
Wait, you guys get paid?
Come on!
Well, Ruth,
you are finally going to get your wish.
We're gonna die together.
"Debbie Eagan, 32,
found dead near a cluster of rocks.
She was best known for playing Laura Morgan
on Paradise Cove,
but you may also remember her as the woman who was bitchy to Linda Evans
in a jewelry store on Dynasty.
In an attempt to restart her career,
she played a wrestler on the short-lived TV show GLOW,
which ultimately flamed out on the Vegas stage.
A fledgling producer who never had a project of her own.
She is survived by...
um...
her mother,
uh...
her son, Randy, her ex-husband, Mark, um...
his secretary, Susan,
and many adoring valets."
If we died right now, my obituary would be:
"Soap Star and Unidentified Woman Dead
in National Park."
No. Well, at least Russell would throw you a great funeral.
He'd cut together a...
- well-edited, adorable tribute montage... - Sam told me he's in love with me.
Okay, you're gonna have to tell me how you feel about that,
'cause I can't see your face in the dark.
I don't know.
Okay.
Here are some choices.
A: Happy.
B: Scared.
C: Excited.
D: Repulsed.
B. And...
C.
Okay, well, what are you gonna do about it?
I don't know.
I thought I wanted a job.
And a boyfriend.
Now I have a job till the end of the year and a boyfriend,
and somehow I still feel lost.
Well, maybe you feel lost because you're holding yourself back
from something that you want.
So, what, I'm supposed to go back to the hotel,
tell Sam I love him, and then what? We...
ride off into the sunset?
Jesus. You love him?
- What? - I...
Then, yeah, that's what you should do.
I mean, what the hell do I know? I don't even know how to be a producer,
which is technically my job title that I fought for
that Bash has basically just rendered meaningless. So...
At least if I go home to Randy, he'll... he'll need me.
You know, I...
I think I avoid talking about Randy. Uh...
It's this whole part of your life I never wanna touch, because...
And...
that's fine, but...
why don't you bring him to Vegas?
You wanna work, you wanna be with your kid. I...
I don't know how to solve any of the other problems, but...
that's a start.
Right, 'cause... it's such a great place for children.
He would probably like the flashing lights.
And the noise.
There's a pool.
And Jell-O at the buffet.
- Oh, my God! Is that a mountain lion? - Are there mountain lions in the desert?
Guys, Sheila's really loopy and dehydrated.
- We gotta get her back to camp. - Do you know how to get back?
Um, yeah, I've been following the rock clusters.
Come on.
And the wise child's always asking questions about the laws of Passover,
like, "What are they?"
Doesn't sound that wise to me.
No, thank you. Exactly.
Which is why I myself always identify more with the wicked child.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Who's always setting themself apart from the group
by asking questions like, "Why do we even do this holiday?"
My family thought it was funny
to make me the wicked child every single year.
"Melanie's such a bad Jew. She's wicked.
Now, her sister, incredible Jew,
wears a Jew-of-the-Year sash. Her husband works in finance..."
- Where you goin'? - I'm tired.
- I'm going to bed. - It's almost over.
You're just talking about yourself
and pretending like it relates to everybody else.
No, I'm not. It's a parable.
Oh, yeah?
- About what? - About...
freedom.
It's about the immigrant experience, right?
How the first generation wanders the desert,
and then the promised land is for their children.
Arthie, are you secretly a Jew?
You holding out on me?
I'll stop talking about myself.
You're right.
Passover is not about me.
No, it's about a bunch of Jewish slaves from, like, a bajillion years ago.
Well, I mean, trauma and mass oppression are still a...
pretty recent story for my people.
Ever hear of a little thing called the Holocaust?
Okay.
Let's just... Let's just call it a night.
What? You'd rather I just joke around?
Just jokes, huh?
Not really get into the trauma
that's behind all the shit we don't want to talk about?
How...
my Aunt Pestel and her eight children
died in Treblinka?
Or how my dad,
my dad,
won't live in a house without a basement or an attic in case we have to hide again?
We hid on a boat.
We were pretty lucky.
My dad, he, uh...
he knew somebody at the embassy.
So...
we got one of the last flights out on a US military plane that had just...
dropped off all this rice.
My dad's brother was with us.
But...
everyone else we knew died.
Every relative.
Every friend.
Everyone.
So...
I understand what it's like to survive a genocide
and not talk about it all the time.
The killing fields.
I mean, it's the whole reason I'm even here in the first place.
I get to be...
one of the lucky ones. Like, really...
really, really lucky.
And now I'm jumping out
of a fortune cookie every night,
pretending like everything's fine.
I am so sorry.
I had no idea.
I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry.
Uh, guys? What're you guys doing?
Oh, my God. Is that Elijah?
Who the fuck is Elijah?
I'mma go stretch out in the stretch.
- Good night. - Good night.
Her poor back.
I know.
When I slept in my car,
I'd always try and park somewhere pretty,
so when I woke up, I'd feel better about my life.
Your life is pretty good now, right?
If you're gonna start too, you can just get out of the Porsche.
I'm not being sarcastic. I'm asking you. You're happy?
With Bash?
I am.
But I know it's awkward for you, though.
Why is it awkward?
You know, in case you still have feelings for him.
- For Bash? - Yeah. I thought you had a crush on him.
Maybe back when I first met him, but...
I don't want Bash.
Oh.
I mean,
I'd like a boyfriend.
I've never heard you talk about boys before.
I mean, besides your brothers.
Ever since you left, it's, like...
people keep crashing in my room.
Like, when their roommates are having sex.
They never think, "Maybe Carmen's in there with a guy."
They just assume I'm alone, sexless.
Have you ever played Mash?
Like the TV show?
No.
Okay...
Hmm.
Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House. Name four guys.
Okay. Um...
No, don't think. Just say four names.
Okay, um, Don Johnson.
Manny from the kitchen. Keith. What?
Keith?
I'm saying it. Keith...
Macho Man Randy Savage.
They were just stoned.
Look, when people show you who they are, you have to pay attention.
Dawn and Stacey always say stupid, offensive things.
Yeah, because they're fucking homophobic.
Don't make excuses.
Your friends disappointing you?
This is the type of shit you have to deal with when you're gay.
And what if you don't know?
If you're...
you know.
What do you mean?
I know I'm in love with you.
And I want to be with you.
But...
I'm not sure if I'm...
that word.
So... So, what are you then?
Why do I have to be anything?
I can't fuck with a straight girl who doesn't know who she is
or what she wants.
I didn't say that.
You did.
Hey. How you feeling?
I'm better.
Justine wrote a screenplay.
And...
it's really good.
Like, really good.
Funny and real.
Oh, and I feel so bad for Sam.
I mean, who knows?
His could be this good too, right?
Do you wanna... sit?
I've got half a bag of marshmallows left.
Oh! Oh, my God! Sheila!
Are you out of your mind?
Never been more clear.
Never been more clear!
Shut up!
Yeah, we're trying to sleep over here!
Why did you do that?
It was getting in my way.
There are so many things that I want to do.
And become.
Wow.
I like it.
Thank you.
Oh...
I slept so good in that limo.
Listen, um...
so, Cherry's right. It's stupid to put you back in that ring.
But what if Welfare Queen isn't a wrestler?
She's a manager?
And... it'll lighten things up.
And Bash will have something to play off of in the ring.
I mean, you should probably have Rhonda tell him.
It'd be better coming from her.
And, um, I am not going to be around, anyway.
Why? Where you think you're going?
You know I can't do nine months like this with a small kid.
Bring him here.
- That's what Ruth said. - Well, she's right.
If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't have waited so long.
Even with Ernest. I should've dragged him to a few auditions.
Especially when he was a baby and didn't know any better.
So, what are you saying?
Don't fold your tent and give up on a show
that you produce and star in.
Stay and fight.
That's what I'm trying to tell myself.
♪ It's been a long, dark night... ♪
Holy shit.
Sheila, is that you?
I'm starving.
What's for breakfast?
Well, we have about four hamburger buns,
a half a jar of peanut butter, and some Mountain Dew.
But... the buffet's open 24 hours.
♪ I've been looking for the sunshine ♪
♪ 'Cause I can see The light of a clear blue morning ♪
♪ I can see the light of a brand-new day ♪
♪ I can see The light of a clear blue morning ♪
♪ Oh And everything's gonna be all right ♪
♪ It's gonna be okay ♪
♪ It's been a long, long time ♪
♪ Since I've known... ♪
Yo, let's go!
Dawn! Stacey!
Can't leave without our rations.
- Go! - Okay, come on.
We can't leave Bong Michaels behind.
♪ That had me bound Well, I don't need 'em ♪
♪ Oh-oh ♪
♪ I've been like a captured eagle ♪
♪ You know ♪
♪ An eagle's born to fly ♪
♪ Now that I have won my freedom ♪
♪ Like an eagle I am eager for the sky... ♪
Oh.
Um...
Excuse me,
- did the man in this room check out? - Yeah, he left this morning.
♪ I can see The light of a clear blue morning ♪
♪ Oh And everything's gonna be all right ♪
♪ Everything's gonna be all right ♪
♪ It's gonna be okay ♪
♪ But I can see The light of a clear blue morning ♪
♪ Of a clear blue morning ♪
♪ I can see the light of a brand-new day ♪
♪ I can see The light of a clear blue morning ♪
♪ Of a clear blue morning ♪
♪ Oh And everything's gonna be all right ♪
♪ Everything's gonna be all right ♪
♪ It's gonna be okay ♪
♪ 'Cause I can see The light of a clear blue morning ♪
♪ Of a clear blue morning ♪
♪ I can see the light of a brand-new day ♪
♪ I can see The light of a clear blue morning ♪
♪ Of a clear blue morning ♪
♪ Everything's gonna be all right ♪
♪ Everything's gonna be all right... ♪